The reviewed profile paper is dedicated to describing a person diagnosed with several types of cancer while maintaining full-time employment as a defense attorney. The author develops a comprehensive description of the profiled person, clearly indicating the background of the individual being described. Although the person’s full name is not stated, they are given the moniker Kill Bill and are depicted as an incredibly strong, kind, and perseverant individual. The overall theme of the profile is perseverance in the face of disease, and the thesis statement effectively relays the theme.
Nevertheless, the examined profile paper has several drawbacks that impede comprehension. For example, the body paragraphs lack cohesion and transition sentences between them to promote better understanding. In addition, the first sentences in the body paragraphs do not always represent what will be discussed in the paragraph. For instance, one of the body paragraphs discussed Kill Bill’s personality and their cancer diagnosis. The strong point of the discussed profile paper is the inclusion of the dialogue with the profiled individual and examples and descriptive details that help the readers better understand the profiled individual.
Although the information in the profile is presented clearly, the paper can be improved. The paper would work better if each body paragraph were dedicated to a single topic, for example, one paragraph describing the individual, the impressions of others about them, and their diagnosis (MasterClass, 2021). It is recommended to add more precise topic sentences and smooth concluding and transition sentences. Some additional information about the profiled person, such as age and details of their marital and family status, could be beneficial for the profile, as it can be used to support the theme of perseverance. The concluding paragraph of the paper, although short, effectively rounds out the profile, addressing the tenacity of Kill Bill. In summary, it is a well-written paper with a strong theme, but its cohesion can be improved with the addition of clearer transition sentences and rearrangement of ideas in the body paragraphs.
MasterClass. (2021). How to use paragraph transitions to strengthen your writing. Web.